27 weeks. 2 weeks ago, I was at the point of “oh shit, I haven’t gotten anything for the baby yet”. I have been saving things in different carts on Amazon, Etsy, Pottery Barn, and who even knows where else. I kept thinking it was too early to get anything, plus the fact that I don’t even know what gender the baby is I just figured maybe I won’t need much. Lists have been my jam. Screenshots, lists, adding things to cart, and absolutely zero preparation otherwise. I know It’s not that big of a deal, I still have 3 months in reality. Luckily, the weather is getting nicer and I feel like it’s motivating me more. We hung some bookshelves in McKenzie’s new room so I could split up the books between both rooms. Now I need to figure out how I’m configuring the nursery so I can decide what I want to actually do in there. My Dad keeps pressuring me to make decisions and just get it done but I feel like I cross one thing off my list and 2 more get added. That’s the thing that sucks about writing lists in your notes on your phone, you don’t really “cross things out”, it just gets deleted so it doesn’t look like you really accomplished anything. Maybe I should write a physical list. One of the items on my “to do” is “make a list of baby shit you need”. I’m putting lists on my list, that can’t be good.
I ended up getting a pack of 200 size one diapers (McKenzie wasn’t in newborns long), an excessive amount of wipes along with hospital outfits if we have a boy and if we have a girl. I was starting to get worried that things wouldn’t be shipping for a bit and kind of panicked, I don’t think that will be the case anymore but atleast I got it done.
In all seriousness though, I know I have so much to do. The almost 3 year old that I have keeps me a little bit busy and quite honestly she really wears me out. Today I thought to myself “will I ever be as productive as I use to be?” as I recall really having my shit together last summer. It’s alot easier when you have a 22 month old who just lays down to get dressed and doesn’t cry to you about leaving the house. Now it’s 2 time outs, have my feelings beat to death and we arrive 15 minutes late to anywhere we were going. Who knew my kid would be so obsessed with pajamas that she wants to be in them up until the moment she leaves and then talks about putting them on the second she gets home. Anyone? Anyone dealing with this?
Other then my determined 2 toddler exhausting me most days, I feel really good. I’m trying to walk and exercise more now that it’s nicer out. I have already gained 23 pounds so there goes my goal of only gaining 25 pounds this time. I gained 31 pounds with McKenzie but I recall being more active in terms of working out more often so I’m really trying to get back into it so that’s it’s easier to get my body back after the baby. I’m not worried about it and I’m by no means dieting, I’m just eating healthy when I can but also allowing myself to eat the sweets and carbs I want. I took my gestational diabetes test 2 weeks go and never heard back on that one so I assume I’m in the clear. I’m just eating what my body wants but also forcing myself to eat healthy at least at certain points throughout the day. This has also been keeping me regulated which I can be a common issue when you are pregnant.
The only pain I have really felt the last few weeks is turning from side to side when I’m in bed at night. I’ll start to turn and hear and feel all the bones near my bottom crumble, then I get up to pee and I’m think “wait, am I still able to walk” like that is how bad some of those sounds are some nights. I know there is alot going on down there so I’m trying to increase the pelvic exercises I do, but man does it hurt.
Emotionally, I’ve been better for the most part. I cried one night because my daughter told me she’s not my baby anymore and I took that as her actually knowing how much our lives are about to change in a few months. Both McKenzie and my husband were starring at me like what on earth are you crying about? She literally got me a tissue and sat in my lap and told me it was going to be OK but this made it even worse. Sometimes when Brian comes back home, McKenzie will want nothing to do with me and wants Dada to do everything. For the most part I’m totally fine with this, and it’s actually helpful for me. The other day, she say that it was getting to me and I had said to her “McKenzie, I love you” and she said “Mama, I love Dada” and smiled. I had started to feel very defeated after 2-3 days and Brian was finally like let’s take the day and bring her to my Mom’s house and go shopping and relax (this was obviously when we were all allowed to leave our homes). She proceeded to do this a few more times but knew exactly what she was doing as we dropped her off and I started to cry as we were leaving. Needless to say, I felt 100 times better after Brian and I took some time together. I was clearly at my breaking point to think she actually didn’t love me and that she wasn’t just saying that to be funny.
More to come on how I have stopped myself from reaching “my breaking point”! Self care is really important, but so is getting your mind right. What do you guys do to help with this?
Until Next time!