Queue the cheesy “I didn’t think I could love you more than I already do” quote. To some, it sounds lame until you get it or can see it or feel it for yourself. For me, it means everything. Brian and I just celebrated our 4 year Wedding anniversary, and I feel that any time there is a birthday, holiday, a Tuesday basically anything that triggers memories for me I start to get emotional. I feel grateful for my life with Brian but one thing I love most is watching him with our daughter.
Before McKenzie was born, Brian always said “I hope it’s a boy, I don’t know what I would do if it’s a girl”. But, we had a girl. And the second I saw him hold her, I knew I was in trouble. She had him wrapped around her tiny finger before she could even open her eyes.
It’s funny how you go through the phases of your relationship. You start dating and you’re in this cute honeymoon phase, right? Then something real happens, wether it’s bad or good, wether it impacts you directly or now directly because of this partnership you are forming. For most, that one occurrence can make or break you. Maybe you have a few bumps in the road, but those are just building blocks for what’s about to come. Then, you get engaged, this man tells you he loves you and wants to spend forever with you. When you say your vows, it all comes together and it feels so real. Your emotions go crazy because you have never felt a peak like this before.
Every marriage and relationship is different, and somethings may be out of order for you. I wouldn’t say the first year of marriage is hard, it’s an adjustment. I would say the first year with your new baby is hard, but you get through it together because you had already built this foundation through the phases of your relationship.
I already knew Brian loved and cared for me. Once I had McKenzie, I felt it even more. I was a crazy hormonal person for basically 2 years. I would cry about everything, even for no reason at all. Brian would never say it to me though, he would never say it’s just your hormones (unless of course I confessed “maybe it’s my hormones”). He was always supportive and compassionate with all the feelings I had going on. The thing about Brian though, he doesn’t always need to verbally express how he feels. Most of the time I can read his emotion in his eyes. The way his eyes fill up when he looks at our daughter is the sweetest thing.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not always easy being the second favorite. He basically comes back every week with something for McKenzie, I know it must be hard spending nights away from our girl at a time. But when he returns, you can tell he feels like he is home. Having a child is a total team effort (I don’t think that needs too much explanation), but what I really mean is Brian and I can read off each other when one of us needs a minute break or back up (usually me) and just being able to explain to each other what would be more helpful of the other parent. I know this will be a total game changer when we have another kid, and I’m sure most of you that have multiples are saying “just wait until you have the second”, but I’m hoping we evolve into an even better team when that happens.
I’d be lying if I said Brian and I aren’t ALWAYS on the same page with parenting. He would cuddle and watch TV with McKenzie for hours if I didn’t stop them. But, I know every time he comes home from traveling he sees that she either grew an inch or has a new thing that she says or does and he just wants to hold onto her. I’m a hypocrite though, I will throw a movie on when I’m desperate for her to chill and I never regret the snuggles.
I do feel like time is going by way too fast, they say the days are long but the years are short. I try to remind myself of this and stop and watch Brian and McKenzie together, while I love how our relationship has evolved over the years, I can’t wait to continue to watch their father/daughter relationship blossom.